Jessica Valenti — I’m looking forward to reading The Purity Myth to get your take on the issue, although from reading your blog I have a feeling I’ll disagree. As a 16-year-old young woman, I am proud to call myself a virgin, and intend to remain so until my wedding. I also believe it shouldn’t just be a “female thing” - both sexes should wait until marriage to give that precious gift to their spouse. Do you at all represent the women who don’t identify themselves as feminist? *shakes head*

I'm looking forward to reading The Purity Myth to get your take on the issue, although from reading your blog I have a feeling I'll disagree. As a 16-year-old young woman, I am proud to call myself a virgin, and intend to remain so until my wedding. I also believe it shouldn't just be a "female thing" - both sexes should wait until marriage to give that precious gift to their spouse. Do you at all represent the women who don't identify themselves as feminist? *shakes head* — Asked by Anonymous

Well, first of all - I don’t “represent” anyone, feminist or not. The arguments I make are my own. That said, I think it’s great that you’ve decided to wait to have sex until it’s right for you - in your case, that’s marriage. I’m glad that you live in a world that largely supports that decision. Women who make a different choice, however, are not given that same respect - in fact, they’re called whores, considered less-than, and generally made to feel like shit about themselves.

What I hope for is a country that sees women as whole human beings whose morality is related to their compassion, kindness and ethics - not whether or not they have sex. I think there’s a common misconception about my book/work on this issue that I have some problem with virgins or being abstinent until marriage. I don’t have a problem at all - in fact, I don’t care. It’s none of my business; and it’s certainly not the business of schools, government, medical establishments, etc. I want you to be able to make the choice not to have sex free of shame and fear in the same way I want that for those who do have sex. I don’t think it’s a ton to ask.

On the “precious gift” front. The gift that you give to your spouse should you chose to marry (assuming you’re allowed to) is your love and partnership. The longer young women are taught to think of their sexuality as “gifts” - something that’s separate from them that’s to be given away or lost or opened or whatever the latest terminology is - the longer we’re going to be seen as less than full human beings.